First funk/soul song, feedback appreciated!

[Sargas]

So, I'm originally a rock/metal-guy, but after getting kinda "forced" into the jazz world by studying jazz music in school for 2 years, I found some things on this side of the spectrum that I really liked, funk being the primary goldie I discovered.

So, here's my first attempt at writing a funk/soul song:

http://www.box.com/s/bc6cc47c38700b2694ef

This version is sort kind of a sketch, since I intend to get this recorded with my fellow musicians in my school, so the drums and bass playing you hear is not the finished product. The keyboard however will probably stay relatively the same, since that's what I'll be playing

And yes, there will be vocals on the finished product

 

[Becky]

This is your first song? Good work! I would have liked the melody brought out a bit more at times (especially when it's played by the bass), but no doubt this will happen when vocals are added

 

[Becky]

P.S. Welcome back!

 

[Sargas]

P.S. Welcome back!

Thank you

I would have liked the melody brought out a bit more at times (especially when it's played by the bass), but no doubt this will happen when vocals are added

Well.... This is interesting, if there is a melody present in this recording, it surely was not intentional ^.^. I haven't written a melody yet, but I thought the vocals would be alone on it.

I suppose the general messing-around on the chords would be a bit less messy in the finished product, since I wouldn't want it to draw attention from the vocals. And I suppose that's what could be misinterpreted as a melody in its current state.

This is your first song?

It's not my all-time first song, I've done plenty of rock/metal songs, an orchestral song, some tiny jazz pieces and such, and I know my music theory very well. But it is my first Funk song, yes

Good work!

Thank you

 

[b3maniac]

Hi Sargas, it is nice to know you're still playing and to hear something you're working on. The playing and recording sounds good, and I hear the jazz influence.
I might suggest listening to some Youtube videos of such people as "Parliament", "P-Funk" , "George Clinton", "Bootsy Collins" , "Mothership Connection". etc as they started funk as we know it today. You have the jazz mindset , and listening to some of that material will give you a lot of creative ideas.
Funk is mostly about the "feel" and you either have the feel or you don't. You do have have it, you just need to expand your mental reference and go for it.
Listen for details such as "open spaces" (intentionally placed between lines and notes....listen for slurred notes in bass lines, listen to patterns played backwards, etc. All that stuff is in the funk, and it isn't all that hard once you catch on.
You gotta love that funk! Don

 

[Sargas]

That's some great advice b3maniac Will give the ones you mentioned a listen