I want to Quit

[Bobbosaurus]

I want to quit music entirely, and avoid the temptation ever to go back to it. What's the best way? I've even toyed with the notion of breaking a hand so I can't play anymore....It's become too upsetting.


Why would I give up playing music? Well, first off I gave up even trying to record my own music a couple years ago- nothing works. Every piece of software since Cool Edit has been useless, solid-state digital recorders fail to record half the time, even my Tascam Portastudio tape deck randomly screws up and fails to record, just like a piece of software(!)

I don't need any more "advice" about which wondrous piece of crap, err, equipment I should be using. Nor do I need to "update" or "upgrade" anything. And I will report any "snarky" stupid comments to the moderators. Friends with pro audio and/or electrical experience have checked things out- I'm not doing anything wrong, I'm setting all the controls right- the only rational explanation is I have power problems in the wiring of my home.


I'd really like to pursue ambient "space" music, but it's become too frustrating to even attempt to record. It's not the kind of genre I can simply notate on staff paper, like solo Piano pieces- recording is necessary. But it's also impossible, so I had to give up, I was getting too upset.


Just today to relax I was going to try out some free sheet music online- but it took over 2 1/2 hours just to open a simple PDF file in a form I could read! I nearly smashed the computer in rage...I go months without touching the piano or synth, but I really want to get back into it- then I loosen enough to try and something horrible like this happens.


For me, to get creative/musical I have to open myself up quite a bit. The problem is, that's like having an exposed nerve- stupid mindless frustrations (like being unable to view a PDF file for no good reason) become 100x more intense than they should be. I know many musicians who relate to this, it's why we seem so "temperamental". So technology and music CANNOT mix for me- which is a problem when you love digital sounds, and it's a huge handicap in 2013!


I can't afford to get this upset ever again so I have to quit playing altogether. It's easy to say that today but in a week or a month I'll be drawn back in again- so how do I prevent that from happening? How do I permanently quit and stay quit? I don't want any advice on how to record, or how to overcome frustration yadda yadda yadda, I need to give it all up for health reasons. I need to quit.

(BTW I tried giving my piano away last year but no one wants it. Perfectly good Yamaha upright)

 

[happyrat1]

Dude.

Don't take this the wrong way but you need professional help. Schedule an appointment with a practicing therapist ASAP. These people are out there to help and you are dealing with too much stress to cope on your own.

Ask your GP for a referral or if you can't afford one phone a crisis centre and get social services involved.

Your post is literally a cry for help...

I've been there man...

Gary

 

[happyrat1]

And just to add a bit of perspective to my life, whenever I'm tending to feel depressed about my situation in life, I simply pause and think how fan-f***ing-tastic it is that I was born in the time and place I was.

But for an accident of fate, I could just as easily have been born in the middle of some tribal conflict in Africa and ended up begging for pennies on the street with my hands cut off by some warlord.

Count yer blessings man

 

[Bobbosaurus]

And just to add a bit of perspective to my life, whenever I'm tending to feel depressed about my situation in life, I simply pause and think how fan-f***ing-tastic it is that I was born in the time and place I was.

But for an accident of fate, I could just as easily have been born in the middle of some tribal conflict in Africa and ended up begging for pennies on the street with my hands cut off by some warlord.

Count yer blessings man

Thanks. I'm sure I have a type of depression (or PTSD, never been properly diagnosed) resulting from some traumas I won't get into, but treatment's never been covered by my health insurance. All I can do is try to avoid things that trigger it- and it's really hard when Music is one of those triggers!

Playing piano, noodling around on the Synth, jamming and writing etc these used to be a huge part of my life and I sorely miss them.

 

[happyrat1]

Sorry to hear that you're not covered. What about state funded or community outreach programs? Some of the more enlightened states and cities have figured out that it's cheaper to write a prescription for Lithium than to send somebody to jail for five years.

Do you have any family or good friends who can give you moral support at least? Do any local church groups offer any sort of counselling or support groups that you might fit into?

If music is a trigger for you then by all means get it out of your life, at least for the time being. Move your stereo and your piano into a storage locker for 6 months and see if that helps. Come back to it next year if you feel you've changed your views.

I understand that mental health issues are no joke, and even though 20% of the population at large has some sort of mental health issue, governments spend a fraction of a percent on treatment strategies that they do on cancer and other diseases.

I'm lucky enough to live in Canada and have access to free and subsidized treatment but I can't stress enough that you can't ever give up. These symptoms tend to get better as you get older.

Most importantly I cannot stress enough that you can't try and fight this on your own. You need some kind of social support group of your peers who can guide you through the system and tell you what resources are available to you. There are many such groups available on the internet and someone who's more familiar with your particular location and predicament may offer some priceless advice.

Check with community services and church groups in your area.

And if it all gets to be too much, don't be afraid to check yourself into an emergency room. These people are professionals who deal with others in your situation every day. They have access to resources and groups who can help and will do their best to steer you toward them.

Remember, no matter how dark it gets, the sun always rises again the next day. Count your blessings that you're not in some god awful dictatorship somewhere fighting for a crust of bread. Be thankful that there are people out there who care, even if you haven't met them yet.

 

[Bobbosaurus]

Music itself isn't the trigger- frustration with equipment is. I've never had a pro keyboard fail me yet: but everything else is a piece of crap (including the Tascam Portastudio tape deck)

The problem is, everything in this "modern era" is trapped inside computers and after 10 years people are only beginning to admit that computers suck. It's like the idea offends them personally when I point out how horrible all things computerized really are. Most musicians know how awful it is to lose an entire session or even an entire album just because the computer screwed up for no good reason.

With every recording software I've tried, all these wonderful features are right there a few inches away but they never work. You can edit the track, punch in, add effects, even see a graphic representation of the waveform itself- what a wonderful composition tool it could be. Then when you're finished, you can upload it to the Web so other people can hear it.

That's all well and good, but these features are useless when time and time again it just fails to record a simple stereo track! When you have to call the company who programmed it cause right there on the box it says "exports to mp3" but it doesn't, and they have to get a special mandate from on high to email me the upgrade so the software I bought will do what I bought it for, because the box says it does!

Some people can wrench themselves out of the "zone" effortlessly to deal with a stupid technical problem- I cannot. Maybe once in a blue moon, like when a string breaks (it happens on pianos too) but not every session. I can't switch gears like that. When I'm in the creative mindset I can't jump back to bureaucratic nonsense like upgrading a program that worked yesterday.

 

[happyrat1]

Now you're coming off like a self pitying whiner.

Everyone has strengths and weaknesses and people simply have to accept that they are who they are.

So your technological abilities suck. So what? My musical technique sucks. I never had the benefit of a musical education when I was younger but do I run around blaming the conservatories and music academies for being deprived? No.

Instead I'm working on my own, on my own time with every resource I can muster to gain the knowledge and skill which you take for granted.

The truth is we all address our shortcomings in the best way we see fit and while for some it means rolling up the shirtsleeves and hitting it head on others seek out collaborations and partnerships with knowledgeable people who can help them iron out the kinks.

Do you think Stevie Wonder struggles with his Kurzweil and tries to write his own sequences and program them? Of course not. He has people who handle the squiggly bits for him. He concentrates on perfecting his music with the skillset he was born with. He doesn't scream at the world because he can't see a sunset. He composes a ballad instead that people can enjoy while they watch a sunset.

We all have to make the most of what we're given in life and try our best to overcome our own weaknesses.

I enjoy crying in my beer as much as the next guy, but I've learned not to wallow in self pity when I hit an obstacle. I try and either work it through or else find a way around it.

Sure you have problems with software and hardware, but don't blame the guys who built and wrote it. They offered you a gift and you just retort "Is that all there is?"

Learn to deal.

Gary

 

[Bobbosaurus]

I actually have some computer programming experience (even programmed a basic sequencer once before I even knew the word "sequencer") but it's been a looong time.

I can handle a system or interface that's logical and makes rational sense, but not these Windows machines that have become so loaded with "bloat" they're pretty much useless. There's nothing elegant or intuitive about most interfaces nowadays, and that's part of the reason they crash so much. I really can't adapt to something that doesn't make logical sense, so in that sense my tech abilities "suck". This is a big handicap with the way things are now.

I've thought about getting one of those $30 computers and taking some classes to learn how to program a simple audio recorder from scratch. The learning curve may be too steep at my age...
For now computers will have to be excluded from my musical experience entirely: no more PDF sheet music files, no attempts to record etc until I gradually de-sensitize myself to it to the point where I don't go absolutely insane with frustration. I can't quit music entirely cause I miss it too much.

 

[RonE]

Lad... you just need to chill and let the music bring you back to reality. Just sit with a keyboard and headphones and play.

I've found that music is what keeps it together for me more often than not. I occasionally get frustrated with some of the technology crap too; but music isn't about that. Let it flow lad. You'll feel better, and will more than likely come to solutions for the obstacles.

 

[Bobbosaurus]

No, music certainly is NOT about the technology crap.
I had a ray of hope last week- tried Audacity and it worked just fine. But one week later and it's terrible- all the settings are the same, I followed the exact same tutorials to set everything up and...nothing. Zero, zip, nada. This wonderful program that everyone raves about refused to record a single note of music! I was on the phone for 2 1/2 hours with a friend who swears by it trying to get Audacity to do the one simple thing it exists to do- to record music.

Why would it work one week but not the next? I don't understand it- he doesn't understand it either. IT MAKES NO SENSE!!!!

Please if anyone knows of any means to record that actually works consistently, please let me know so I can try it out.

 

[Bobbosaurus]

Oh, then after we finally got it "working" and it SEEMED to be recording (finally) after a while it just crashed for no apparent reason. No error message was given, and no opportunity to save the files- all was lost.

Audacity is now added to the list of programs I can never trust again.

My goal is to record- but I can't. I don't want to just jam for myself forever- I want simply to be able to record without it being a horrible nightmare. Why is this too much to ask?!?!?

 

[happyrat1]

Forgive me if I'm being out of line here, but have you by any chance considered that perhaps your computer is the culprit?

How old is it? What make and model #? How long has it been since you've done a fresh OS install on it? Are you running fully patched and up to date anti virus and spyware programs? Do you own more than one computer you can compare results on?

There's a lot of variables other than just the recording software to be considered here. A misconfigured or infected or marginal system will give you far more problems than just the recording software. Is your machine prone to crashing a lot?

 

[Bobbosaurus]

ASUS eeepc
intel Atom cpu N450 1.66ghz
RAM 1.00GB
32 bit operating system
windows 7 home premium edition serv pack 1

It's a netbook that's why I was amazed a week ago when it worked so well. Don't understand why it was the opposite this week- I haven't changed anything.

Is there a stand-alone recording device that's reliable? A multitrack or something? By "reliable" I mean it actually records when you press record, doesn't lose all your work (once in a blue moon is acceptable) and you don't have to take hours every time to "troubleshoot" it like a computer.


I've been told that the only way to record on a computer is to buy the latest super-laptop every year for over $1,000 plus buy the latest software every year for another $1,000 and that anything less than that can never possibly be expected to work- which is absurd and I refuse to believe it.

 

[happyrat1]

For God's sake man! There's your problem right there. It's a bloody anaemic Intel Atom CPU.

It's a Netbook, NOT A REAL LAPTOP.

That thing was never intended to be a multimedia PC. It's meant for surfing the web and checking your email on the road.

Get something up to date. Laptops generally suck at multimedia as well unless you spend the money on a higher end I5 or I7 model.

Face it. You've got to spend at least $500 on a decent computer if you want to work with MIDI and Audio on it.

I'd recommend spending at least $500 on an up to date I5 laptop or better yet desktop computer and stop bitching about software that doesn't run properly on a platform it was never intended to run on in the first place.

 

[happyrat1]

Here. Spend a few bucks and buy a decent computer. Here's a couple of good recommendations.

http://www.amazon.com/Acer-DT-VFMAA...8&qid=1379309155&sr=1-1&keywords=acer+desktop

or

http://www.amazon.com/Acer-Timeline...&srs=2528871011&ie=UTF8&qid=1379309367&sr=1-1

 

[Bobbosaurus]

Thanks. Like I said I was amazed that it worked so well last week. I had never tried to record on this Netbook before, because it is a Netbook. So why did it work a week ago? It really shouldn't work at all if it doesn't have the processing power.

I'd rather use a DAW than a computer- as I said, I've been assured that any computer I buy will be unable to record after about a year's time. $500 is a lot to spend on something that only lasts a year. I'd rather spend $ on a stand-alone unit that will work for years. Do you think the Tascam DP-24 is any good? It seems to get good reviews.

Note- I can do Midi on the synth, all I need is something that can record audio tracks without crashing, losing data, or failing to record at all. Preferably 8 tracks, but I'd settle for just 2!

 

[Bobbosaurus]

Don't remember what my first laptop was, but it only had a 6 Gig hard-drive. (That's 6 Gigs, not 60 or 600) I used Cool Edit, I think it was version 3.5 and it worked flawlessly. My netbook and my old desktop PC are supercomputers in comparison- yet neither one can record as reliably as that old laptop with Cool Edit.

I don't understand how machines that are so much faster can't do what that primitive 6 Gig box could do 10 years ago (has it been that long?) It doesn't make any logical sense.

 

[happyrat1]

I currently do all my recording and sequencing on a 4 year old Acer M5800 Quad Core 8400 CPU that runs Linux, properly tweaked for MIDI and multimedia recording using KXstudio.

http://kxstudio.sourceforge.net/

It's worked great for me for the past 4 years and I fully expect to get another 4 years out of this machine before I finally retire it for something newer.

Then again, I've been running an all Linux shop on my home computers for the past 14 years. I've learned what works and what doesn't the hard way thru research, trial and error.

Generally speaking you have three choices in the computer world today.

1) Run windows and be a slave to Microsoft

2) Run Linux and endure the learning curve until you have a stable, reliable system.

3) Buy an apple and pay triple the price but be happy with the stable reliable choice of the industry standard in multimedia.

Trying to run a recording studio on a netbook though? That's ridiculous. It's like trying to run a recording studio on a smartphone.

 

[happyrat1]

Your 6 Gig 486 or first generation Pentium COULD render an MP3, but it took a good 5 minutes to rip and encode an MP3 as well.

It's a fact of life that as CPU power has increased, so have the demands of modern operating systems.

I'd be willing to bet that my old 486DX running Win 98 booted faster than your netbook running Win 7. In some ways it was probably more stable as well.

As it is though, unless you can build a time machine, you just have to live with the fact that modern apps and operating systems chew up RAM and CPU cycles like nobody's business.

I own an Acer netbook as well. Mine dual boots XP and Linux and I've never even attempted to use it for MIDI purposes. That's because I have realistic expectations from my hardware and software.

Quad core laptop or desktop with 4 gigs of RAM are pretty much the minimum requirement these days for multimedia recording and processing.

 

[Bobbosaurus]

I'm not trying to run a recording studio- I just want to record my songs, burn them to CD, and share them online as MP3's. I jam on 1-2 synths: that's it. No drums, bass, guitar, vocals etc. So even something that could record a single stereo track would be enough- but even that costs $500?